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episode of you're just human I'm Amy and I'm Jenny and this is a podcast where we normalize human experiences and I'm actually really excited to talk about today's episode Amy because we're basically talking about uncertainty and the question like am I behind in life and I feel like that's such a universal
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I'm Jenny and this is a podcast where we
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normalize human experiences and I'm
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actually really excited to talk about
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today's episode Amy because we're
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basically talking about uncertainty and
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the question like am I behind in life
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and I feel like that's such a universal
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experience but not often talked about I think the thing with uncertainty is you think that you'll feel it less at certain ages or certain life stages but I actually feel like it's always there but it's talked about less cuz I feel like you're supposed to feel more settled as you get older it's like that
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think the thing with uncertainty is you
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think that you'll feel it less at
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certain ages or certain life stages but
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I actually feel like it's always there
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but it's talked about less cuz I feel
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like you're supposed to feel more
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settled as you get older it's like that
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societal expectation like you should know so like talking about it like oh I still don't know what's going on feels a little bit vulnerable to say like you feel like you're on your own because the types of uncertainties you face also change as you get older so you don't really have that Universal feeling of
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know so like talking about it like oh I
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still don't know what's going on feels a
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little bit vulnerable to say like you
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feel like you're on your own because the
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types of uncertainties you face also
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change as you get older so you don't
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really have that Universal feeling of
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like oh we just all graduated and we feel a little bit un certain it's like no I feel uncertain about this thing and like you might not relate to me at all I totally forgot where I heard this but apparently like the nines of every decade is a really hard year so like 19
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feel a little bit un certain it's like
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no I feel uncertain about this thing and
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like you might not relate to me at all I
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totally forgot where I heard this but
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apparently like the nines of every
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decade is a really hard year so like 19
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29 39 and like we just turned 30 in the past few weeks and I think that 29 was pretty difficult and uncertain for the both of us I wish that you had told me that while I was 29 because I think in 29 I was like what is happening because I thought this was supposed supposed to
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past few weeks and I think that 29 was
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pretty difficult and uncertain for the
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both of us I wish that you had told me
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that while I was 29 because I think in
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29 I was like what is happening because
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I thought this was supposed supposed to
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be like the prime year it's like the last year of your 20s exactly I don't know about you but I feel like people always say like 30s is so much better than 20s I started 29 thinking it's going to be the beginning of the peak and it was totally not I guess for you what do you think
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last year of your 20s exactly I don't
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know about you but I feel like people
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always say like 30s is so much better
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than 20s I started 29 thinking it's
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going to be the beginning of the peak
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and it was totally
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not I guess for you what do you think
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was one of the most uncertain times of your 20 so far I think I have a few but because we talked about 29 being really uncertain I actually feel like I had a lot of career are uncertainty at 29 which was kind of unexpected because I would say like you and I ever since we
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your 20 so far I think I have a few but
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because we talked about 29 being really
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uncertain I actually feel like I had a
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lot of career are uncertainty at 29
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which was kind of unexpected because I
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would say like you and I ever since we
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graduated especially like early mid 20s I feel like everything we've worked for ambition wise was to find a lot of stability and Security in our career especially financially while I was about to Embark 30 to feel that much uncertainty in my career was really unexpected and also like a little bit
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I feel like everything we've worked for
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ambition wise was to find a lot of
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stability and Security in our career
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especially financially while I was about
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to Embark 30 to feel that much
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uncertainty in my career was really
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unexpected and also like a little bit
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scary cuz I feel like at 21 I might be okay living out of my car or like being a noad wait really quick I just got like a flashback of a memory where Amy had this fixation with her bed and especially postgrad years like whenever she would have one of those like existential spirals like we all do
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okay living out of my car or like being
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a noad wait really quick I just got like
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a flashback of a memory where Amy had
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this fixation with her bed
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and especially postgrad years like
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whenever she would have one of those
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like existential spirals like we all do
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she would always talk about her bed was really attached to my bed I think part of the reason is because parents are in Korea I think the bed was like the one thing that was mine like the closest physical manast station of home to you cuz it's not like you can
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really attached to my
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bed I think part of the reason is
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because parents are in Korea I think the
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bed was like the one thing that was mine
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like the closest physical manast station
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of home to you cuz it's not like you can
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go back to your parents house like most of us funny thing is as soon as I got a job I didn't even keep it and I kind of feel like that's like an Ode to uncertainty I feel you hold on even though you might have outgrown it cuz it's like the only thing you can see in
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of us funny thing is as soon as I got a
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job I didn't even keep it and I kind of
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feel like that's like an Ode to
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uncertainty I feel you hold on even
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though you might have outgrown it cuz
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it's like the only thing you can see in
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your life today and you don't know where you're headed next anyway back to what you were mentioning about uncertainty in your career during 29 for our listeners that don't follow our YouTube channel do you kind of want to share what went down well in a nutshell I got laid off from
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you're headed next anyway back to what
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you were mentioning about uncertainty in
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your career during 29 for our listeners
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that don't follow our YouTube channel do
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you kind of want to share what went down
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well in a nutshell I got laid off from
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Google but here's how it went down so I'm sure lot of people can relate especially if you're in the tech industry but layoffs are just like all around the first time they did it was completely out of the blue so there were people on their way to the office that couldn't get in that really hits the
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I'm sure lot of people can relate
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especially if you're in the tech
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industry but layoffs are just like all
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around the first time they did it was
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completely out of the blue so there were
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people on their way to the office that
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couldn't get in that really hits the
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uncertainty and then after that they started doing it very quietly in small batches that were never ending across different teams and I think that was actually a lot more stressful and uncertain because you're like I don't know how this is happening but there's definitely like a good chance it can impact me and then you see people in
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started doing it very quietly in small
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batches that were never ending across
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different teams and I think that was
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actually a lot more stressful and
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uncertain because you're like I don't
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know how this is happening but there's
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definitely like a good chance it can
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impact me and then you see people in
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your team getting impacted really high performers like obviously you want to make an impact but then in this layoff situation you're like I hope I don't stick out I'm going to lay low like pretend I'm not on the payroll like and I remember too like the ethos of your team was basically to create
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performers like obviously you want to
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make an impact but then in this layoff
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situation you're like I hope I don't
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stick out I'm going to lay
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low like pretend I'm not on the payroll
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like and I remember too like the ethos
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of your team was basically to create
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savings for the company yeah like save money so I I remember telling you I was like dude I feel like your job is like layoff proof but then you started seeing your teammates getting laid off and then kind of just got real I think it kind of leaves you in a very mellow
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money so I I remember telling you I was
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like dude I feel like your job is like
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layoff proof but then you started seeing
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your teammates getting laid off and then
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kind of just got real I think it
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kind of leaves you in a very mellow
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state where you kind of wonder if there's something else you want to do with your career but then you also feel like you have no control over it and I think I just got pretty passive let's see how long I can survive this you know it kind of makes sense though it's like
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there's something else you want to do
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with your career but then you also feel
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like you have no control over it and I
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think I just got pretty passive let's
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see how long I can survive this you know
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it kind of makes sense though it's like
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you need a level of Detachment in order to survive and like really quick cuz like you've always worked at corporates I've always worked at early stage startups and the up and down and the uncertainty is always prevalent and I remember thinking in order for me to survive here I just need to not care as
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to survive and like really quick cuz
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like you've always worked at corporates
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I've always worked at early stage
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startups and the up and down and the
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uncertainty is always prevalent and I
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remember thinking in order for me to
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survive here I just need to not care as
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much and detach but I feel like for you it probably hit even harder because the expectation is stability at a huge corporate company right and for that to yanked out from everyone it's like wait I didn't sign up for this I feel like uncertainty is inevitable in life I think there's two types though I think
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it probably hit even harder because the
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expectation is stability at a huge
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corporate company right and for that to
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yanked out from everyone it's like wait
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I didn't sign up for this I feel like
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uncertainty is inevitable in life I
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think there's two types though I think
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there's one where you knowingly are in a journey of uncertainty even if you want to be there or not and I think there's another one where it kind of hits you out of the blue what I've realized is that it's inevitable and they're both difficult in their own ways but I think that when uncertainty happens you almost
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journey of uncertainty even if you want
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to be there or not and I think there's
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another one where it kind of hits you
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out of the blue what I've realized is
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that it's inevitable and they're both
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difficult in their own ways but I think
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that when uncertainty happens you almost
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want to prep yourself for it to never happen again I think that's kind of like the initial reaction then we can hold on to like our twin mattress bed or whatever yes yes but I think that after going through uncertainty it's more about trusting that I'm resilient enough or Snappy enough to figure things out
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happen again I think that's kind of like
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the initial reaction then we can hold on
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to like our twin mattress bed or
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whatever yes yes but I think that after
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going through uncertainty it's more
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about trusting that I'm resilient enough
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or Snappy enough to figure things out
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and Jenny told me this in the thick of my unur but she was just like focus on what's real today and I think sometimes we want to avoid today and run away from today cuz the feelings of uncertainty are so uncomfortable and honestly like it can bring out the worst in us I feel
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my unur but she was just like focus on
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what's real today and I think sometimes
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we want to avoid today and run away from
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today cuz the feelings of uncertainty
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are so uncomfortable and honestly like
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it can bring out the worst in us I feel
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like I was not a very positive grateful person we we all have those human moments mhm being able to still find something in my today that I was happy about or thankful for actually made me like a better person overall because I'm just like oh even if I'm not really happy with my situation today there is
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person we we all have those human
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moments mhm being able to still find
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something in my today that I was happy
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about or thankful for actually made me
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like a better person overall because I'm
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just like oh even if I'm not really
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happy with my situation today there is
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still something I can be happy about kind of like that saying regardless of how much your external circumstances improve your level of happiness will be remotely the same to what it is now honic treadmill do you want to explain that really quick well it's exactly yeah it's exactly what Jenny said where basically saying as people we always
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kind of like that saying regardless of
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how much your external circumstances
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improve your level of happiness will be
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remotely the same to what it is now
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honic treadmill do you want to explain
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that really quick well it's exactly yeah
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it's exactly what Jenny said where
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basically saying as people we always
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adapt so if we can't find happiness in our current circumstance even if we get that thing we think we've been wanting we'll eventually adapt to that and that'll be the new normal and so if you can't find happiness in today it's actually going to be really difficult for you to find happiness even as you
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our current circumstance even if we get
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that thing we think we've been wanting
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we'll eventually adapt to that and
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that'll be the new normal and so if you
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can't find happiness in today it's
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actually going to be really difficult
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for you to find happiness even as you
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reach all those things you want in life yeah because it starts you always want more yeah you always we greedy you know I've shared this uncertain thing that happened to me out of the blue honestly I have so much respect for Jenny because she willingly barked on a journey of uncertainty God why did I do
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yeah because it starts you always want
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more yeah you always we greedy you
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know I've shared this uncertain thing
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that happened to me out of the blue
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honestly I have so much respect for
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Jenny because she willingly barked on a
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journey of uncertainty God why did I do
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that mine was 2 months in terms of not knowing at all what was coming next you've been in it for a while now and there's people who might not know what Journey you're on do you want to share it's been like for you I was actually thinking about this before we started
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knowing at all what was coming next
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you've been in it for a while now and
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there's people who might not know what
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Journey you're on do you want to share
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it's been like for you I was actually
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thinking about this before we started
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recording this episode so for context I basically left NOA my 9 to5 a year and a half ago was like in it in it and like half ago was like in it in it and like so 110 and it was like a wild ride and got pretty burnt out I got to a point where
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basically left NOA my 9 to5 a year and a
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half ago was like in it in it and like
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half ago was like in it in it and like so
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110 and it was like a wild ride and got
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pretty burnt out I got to a point where
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I knew it was time for me to move on and because I've always wanted to pursue this more entrepreneurship path and I remember like okay I'm voluntarily signing up for a ton of uncertainty a ton of doubt if I make this decision you know cuz you know Amy I like kind of
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because I've always wanted to pursue
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this more entrepreneurship path and I
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remember like okay I'm voluntarily
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signing up for a ton of uncertainty a
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ton of doubt if I make this decision you
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know cuz you know Amy I like kind of
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went back and forth back and forth should I leave should I I don't know right I think that's the thing with uncertainty is like you're always like what if there's something better out there yes like I could probably have a bigger nest EG like I I don't know what's going to happen right but I think
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should I leave should I I don't know
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right I think that's the thing with
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uncertainty is like you're always like
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what if there's something better out
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there yes like I could probably have a
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bigger nest EG like I I don't know
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what's going to happen right but I think
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like in my head I categorized uncertainty into like two buckets one was external uncertainty right for example like short term I would no longer have like a W2 job people are like what do you do I'm like oh I work at X company now they like just look at me confused right when I explain what it
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uncertainty into like two buckets one
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was external uncertainty right for
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example like short term I would no
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longer have like a W2 job people are
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like what do you do I'm like oh I work
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at X company now they like just look at
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me confused right when I explain what it
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is I I'm trying to do and then also peace of mind you get from like having a biweekly salary health benefits all those things and then there's like the long-term uncertainty that I knew I was signing up for like I feel like you know when you're working at a company it's
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peace of mind you get from like having a
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biweekly salary health benefits all
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those things and then there's like the
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long-term uncertainty that I knew I was
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signing up for like I feel like you know
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when you're working at a company it's
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like oh if I just do this role and if I work at it and meet the leveling standards I'm going to be here at x amount of time right and that was something I knew like okay can I give that up but the other bucket of uncertainty is internal and I think this
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work at it and meet the leveling
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standards I'm going to be here at x
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amount of time right and that was
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something I knew like okay can I give
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that up but the other bucket of
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uncertainty is internal and I think this
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means different for everybody but I think for me it was like you know that sense of call it intuition gut feeling of does this feel right and I think and like there's usually nothing explicitly wrong with it which is why ex yeah yeah and I think every job I had even though
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think for me it was like you know that
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sense of call it intuition gut feeling
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of does this feel right and I think and
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like there's usually nothing explicitly
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wrong with it which is why ex yeah yeah
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and I think every job I had even though
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I voluntarily made those decisions and I really enjoyed it there was a little piece of me that thought like I don't know something feels a little off I just can't put my finger on it and once I made the decision to finally leave I feel like I gained that internal certainty like for the first time I
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really enjoyed it there was a little
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piece of me that thought like I don't
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know something feels a little off I just
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can't put my finger on it and once I
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made the decision to finally leave I
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feel like I gained that internal
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certainty like for the first time I
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don't know what the I'm doing but this feels right but lost all the external certainty right and I think that was kind of like word vomit but that kind of sums up how I made that L certainty tradeoff I think it's like there's a push and pull when I'm listening to you because I think
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this feels right but lost all the
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external certainty right and I think
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that was kind of like word vomit but
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that kind of sums up how I made that L
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certainty tradeoff I think it's like
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there's a push and pull when I'm
627.6s
listening to you because I think
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sometimes with uncertainty there are things that are so clear that you are losing right because you see things that you have that are right in front of you that you will no longer have and it's really hard to take your eyes off the ball there yeah but then you also don't know where you're exactly going to end
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things that are so clear that you are
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losing right because you see things that
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you have that are right in front of you
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that you will no longer have and it's
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really hard to take your eyes off the
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ball there yeah but then you also don't
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know where you're exactly going to end
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up so you're like is it going to be better or am I going to end up somewhere worse and that's the part that's scary but then in the midst of all this I think there's like a inner voice in US sometimes where we're like I'm just not happy like I'm grateful to have all
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better or am I going to end up somewhere
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worse and that's the part that's scary
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but then in the midst of all this I
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think there's like a inner voice in US
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sometimes where we're like I'm just not
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happy like I'm grateful to have all
660.5s
these things M but I'm also willing to potentially give it all up yes right for something else and then you're like but why because logically when you're looking at like a pros and cons list because you don't know what the future Pros are going to be it doesn't really make sense it doesn't but that's why
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potentially give it all up yes right for
666.4s
something else and then you're like but
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why because logically when you're
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looking at like a pros and cons list
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because you don't know what the future
673.1s
Pros are going to be it doesn't really
675.0s
make sense it doesn't but that's why
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it's like that inner feeling I think as I'm listening to you too there are also probably like a lot of people who you know got that promotion cuz they stayed and then all these layoffs happened so I think at the end of the day it's really important to listen to what it is that
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I'm listening to you too there are also
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probably like a lot of people who you
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know got that promotion cuz they stayed
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and then all these layoffs happened so I
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think at the end of the day it's really
688.4s
important to listen to what it is that
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you want or at least try the thing that you want because you just never know where life is going to take you and I just feel like if you're happy and content with the decisions you're making you're kind of okay with this conclusion because like it was yours if that sense
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you want because you just never know
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where life is going to take you and I
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just feel like if you're happy and
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content with the decisions you're making
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you're kind of okay with this conclusion
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because like it was yours if that sense
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mhm and I think when I made that decision I genuinely doubted whether I could stomach the uncertainty whether I was comfortable decreasing my standard of comfortable decreasing my standard of living MH and just making all the sacrifices and going through it for over a year now and still not having those like external
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decision I
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genuinely doubted whether I could
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stomach the uncertainty whether I was
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comfortable decreasing my standard of
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comfortable decreasing my standard of living
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MH and just making all the sacrifices
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and going through it for over a year now
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and still not having those like external
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signals and validations that prove like hey the choice was worth it the sacrifice was worth it even if I still don't have that that sense of alignment is still there and strong enough for me to like keep trying I guess and genuinely sometimes I feel like I'm insane some I still feel insane I feel
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hey the choice was worth it the
734.3s
sacrifice was worth it even if I still
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don't have that that sense of alignment
738.5s
is still there and strong enough for me
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to like keep trying I guess and
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genuinely sometimes I feel like I'm
746.6s
insane some I still feel insane I feel
748.9s
like wow I feel delusional but I I'm realizing that anyone that chooses a more entrepreneurial unconventional path you need that level of delusion in order to survive in this uncertainty so all that to say like if I think I'm insane how can I expect even close friends and family to really understand what I'm
751.6s
realizing that anyone that chooses a
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more entrepreneurial unconventional path
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you need that level of delusion in order
759.3s
to survive in this uncertainty so all
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that to say like if I think I'm insane
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how can I expect even close friends and
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family to really understand what I'm
769.9s
going through and I think that's another part of navigating uncertainty is like getting used to your new reality yeah and I would say like when you're in uncertainty you get triggered more easily yes in a way cuz I think you feel a little bit more insecure right cuz you feel uncertain about the state that
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part of navigating uncertainty is like
775.6s
getting used to your new reality yeah
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and I would say like when you're in
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uncertainty you get triggered more
782.7s
easily yes in a way cuz I think you feel
786.4s
a little bit more insecure right cuz you
788.8s
feel uncertain about the state that
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you're in and you're trying to look for more validation in a way and so anything that makes you feel more insecure you react pretty quickly to it and cuz you're now at a state of deficit mhm when you used to be at like a surplus exactly and you know like when we're stressed we're not pretty so basically
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more validation in a way and so anything
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that makes you feel more insecure you
796.6s
react pretty quickly to it and cuz
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you're now at a state of deficit mhm
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when you used to be at like a surplus
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exactly and you know like when we're
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stressed we're not pretty so basically
808.9s
this happened literally I think a day after I got laid off so it's just like uncanny timing I feel like I should have been in a sitcom then but I actually got a request from my cousin I'm the oldest of both my families so I usually take the lead on things just like naturally
810.9s
after I got laid off so it's just like
812.3s
uncanny timing I feel like I should have
814.2s
been in a sitcom then but I actually got
816.3s
a request from my cousin I'm the oldest
818.4s
of both my families so I usually take
821.0s
the lead on things just like naturally
823.2s
because I'm the first to like go to college get a job like settle down and so she reached out to me because she's studying abroad and she needed like a co-signer and obviously I work at Google it's a very global company you know it was a pretty harmless request well I got
824.9s
college get a job like settle down and
827.6s
so she reached out to me because she's
829.5s
studying abroad and she needed like a
831.3s
co-signer and obviously I work at Google
833.3s
it's a very global company you know it
835.1s
was a pretty harmless request well I got
837.0s
it like the day after I got the news and I'm just like well technically I guess I'm still at Google but I consider myself unemployed at this point in a way and remember I called my mom to talk about it I was just feeling annoyed not at like anybody but just like I think at
839.6s
I'm just like well technically I guess
841.6s
I'm still at Google but I consider
843.3s
myself unemployed at this point in a way
846.4s
and remember I called my mom to talk
848.6s
about it I was just feeling annoyed not
851.1s
at like anybody but just like I think at
853.0s
my situation and my mom was like oh my gosh her being the sweetheart she is she was like you should co sign for your cousin and I think my mom was thinking back to when I moved here and that was a whole thing for me like I couldn't find anybody to cosign anything and so it was
855.4s
gosh her being the sweetheart she is she
857.2s
was like you should co sign for your
859.2s
cousin and I think my mom was thinking
861.6s
back to when I moved here and that was a
863.3s
whole thing for me like I couldn't find
865.0s
anybody to cosign anything and so it was
867.2s
just very stressful but I like lost it the fcal I was like do you think I can cosign for somebody when I don't have a job like Mom read the room I was like I want someone to cosign me like
870.7s
the fcal I was like do you think I can
873.4s
cosign for somebody when I don't have a
875.4s
job like Mom read the room I was like I
879.0s
want someone to cosign me like
886.3s
you're in uncertainty you already feel small but that whole thing made me feel even smaller the request the way that I reacted and I think it gives you more perspective though because you just realiz realz a lot of things are situational obviously if I was in a really good State even if that request
888.4s
small but that whole thing made me feel
891.0s
even smaller the request the way that I
893.9s
reacted and I think it gives you more
897.0s
perspective though because you just
898.8s
realiz realz a lot of things are
900.0s
situational obviously if I was in a
901.8s
really good State even if that request
903.5s
came a month before my reaction would have been so different to it so I think just knowing that at least for me like in uncertainty I'm not going to operate at the same level that I always used to because if it's a game you're in the same settings but your character has
905.6s
have been so different to it so I think
907.6s
just knowing that at least for me like
909.7s
in uncertainty I'm not going to operate
912.3s
at the same level that I always used to
915.4s
because if it's a game you're in the
917.2s
same settings but your character has
919.3s
shrunk or something like that like it's it's just different you know like the mini mini Mario but you got used to being like the Super Mario I was legit thinking that like you're like the little mushroom but I know like you had a funny story too at Ikea oh my God yes okay this is a
921.4s
it's just different you know like the
923.3s
mini mini Mario but you got used to
925.4s
being like the Super Mario I was legit
927.4s
thinking that like you're like the
928.3s
little mushroom
930.0s
but I know like you had a funny story
932.8s
too at Ikea oh my God yes okay this is a
936.6s
petty story basically this was sometime last year and I was like really trying to save money okay and I didn't want to work from home cuz I'm like I can't focus I'm like why don't I go to IKEA but it was far because I got like sick of the cafes in my neighborhood I was
939.7s
last year and I was like really trying
941.8s
to save money okay and I didn't want to
945.1s
work from home cuz I'm like I can't
946.9s
focus I'm like why don't I go to IKEA
949.6s
but it was far because I got like sick
952.0s
of the cafes in my neighborhood I was
953.8s
like but you know what they have free coffee and the meatballs are only like 6 let me go but you basically went to Ikea for the free coffee basically yeah and I worked there the whole day I was I was feeling very good about myself like I only spent like 6 today and then
955.1s
coffee and the meatballs are only like
957.1s
6 let me go but you basically went to
960.3s
Ikea for the free coffee basically yeah
963.3s
and I worked there the whole day I was I
966.2s
was feeling very good about myself like
967.8s
I only spent like 6 today and then
970.2s
suddenly I get a call from my sister and she was like hey can you pick up like one or two high chairs for me they're like 30 each she's like thanks bye and in that moment I was so pissed because I'm like I'm just here for the free coffee you know you're like I was trying
972.0s
she was like hey can you pick up like
974.2s
one or two high chairs for me they're
976.0s
like 30 each she's like thanks bye and
979.6s
in that moment I was so pissed because
982.3s
I'm like I'm just here for the free
983.6s
coffee you know you're like I was trying
985.8s
to spend 6 and I'm about to spend 60 yeah you're like it would have been actually cheaper to just pay for coffee in my neighborhood yes to come all the way here yeah pay for that like 8 coffee or whatever but I think in that moment I was more pissed at my reaction
989.1s
yeah you're like it would have been
990.6s
actually cheaper to just pay for coffee
993.0s
in my neighborhood yes to come all the
995.1s
way here yeah pay for that like 8
996.9s
coffee or whatever but I think in that
999.8s
moment I was more pissed at my reaction
1003.8s
to this situation because I'm like very used to being that role of being very generous to my family and like picking up small things I think also like in a way we're just both used to being useful yeah exactly and like problems solvers you know problem solvers yes and not creating the problems yeah exactly after
1006.8s
used to being that role of being very
1009.3s
generous to my family and like picking
1011.4s
up small things I think also like in a
1013.5s
way we're just both used to being useful
1016.6s
yeah exactly and like problems solvers
1019.5s
you know problem solvers yes and not
1022.1s
creating the problems yeah exactly after
1025.4s
I got past the intense annoyance I was like why did I react like that and I realized that I'm still adjusting to this new reality it's reasonable for the people closest to you to not always be super mindful about what you're currently going through you know and they to adjust yeah and obviously like
1028.8s
like why did I react like that and I
1031.7s
realized that I'm still adjusting to
1034.6s
this new reality it's reasonable for the
1038.1s
people closest to you to not always be
1040.1s
super mindful about what you're
1041.6s
currently going through you know and
1043.1s
they to adjust yeah and obviously like
1045.9s
yeah I could have just asked her like to VMO me back I'm still not used to that like yeah I'll get the tab whatever but now it like bothers me and I'm not used to that yeah Jenny I remember you told me this but there's this idea called the window of Tolerance ah yeah that's a
1047.4s
VMO me back I'm still not used to that
1049.8s
like yeah I'll get the tab whatever but
1051.7s
now it like bothers me and I'm not used
1054.3s
to that yeah Jenny I remember you told
1056.3s
me this but there's this idea called the
1058.9s
window of Tolerance ah yeah that's a
1061.0s
good one mhm it's basically how depending on kind of the situation you're in your window of Tolerance shifts right so it might be really wide and open and you don't even see the window frames to like it could be so tiny you're like where's the view and I think one thing that really
1063.7s
depending on kind of the situation
1065.5s
you're in your window of Tolerance
1067.1s
shifts right so it might be really wide
1069.9s
and open and you don't even see the
1071.4s
window frames to like it could be so
1073.2s
tiny you're like where's the
1075.4s
view and I think one thing that really
1078.4s
helped me when you told me about the window TOS is there are certain characteristics we use to kind of Define ourselves and so there was also like an identity crisis I was kind of going through like a mini one I was like am I not this like stable responsible person
1079.8s
window TOS is there are certain
1081.3s
characteristics we use to kind of Define
1084.1s
ourselves and so there was also like an
1086.3s
identity crisis I was kind of going
1087.9s
through like a mini one I was like am I
1089.6s
not this like stable responsible person
1092.6s
that my family can rely on why did I have such a bad reaction to it MH and I was like oh it's the wind of Tolerance like it's not your identity changing it's just that there are certain characteristics that are harder to exercise I think depending on the circumstance you're in because you're
1095.4s
have such a bad reaction to it MH and I
1098.8s
was like oh it's the wind of Tolerance
1100.8s
like it's not your identity changing
1102.5s
it's just that there are certain
1103.9s
characteristics that are harder to
1105.6s
exercise I think depending on the
1107.2s
circumstance you're in because you're
1108.5s
just adjusting to your new normal in your story with Ikea it's not that you're not a generous person you're still so generous like with your time right and like the patience you give people but in this situation you're not going to be as generous as you were before with your finances because you're
1110.7s
your story with Ikea it's not that
1112.4s
you're not a generous person you're
1113.8s
still so generous like with your time
1116.0s
right and like the patience you give
1117.9s
people but in this situation you're not
1119.8s
going to be as generous as you were
1121.7s
before with your finances because you're
1123.2s
in a different financial situation and I think that KS to like the window of Tolerance and how it's like ever changing in a way kudos to my therapist I remember telling her in the beginning of right when I kind of quit my job I was like hey I'm actually really worried
1125.4s
think that KS to like the window of
1126.8s
Tolerance and how it's like ever
1128.0s
changing in a way kudos to my therapist
1130.6s
I remember telling her in the beginning
1133.0s
of right when I kind of quit my job I
1135.4s
was like hey I'm actually really worried
1137.8s
about how I might regress in response to this new found uncertainty regress as in like slide back into old habits and not really be my best self and she was like Jenny regression is normal and she was like you have to remember that the way that you respond to uncertainty basically that like window of Tolerance
1140.6s
this new found uncertainty regress as in
1143.2s
like slide back into old habits and not
1145.5s
really be my best self and she was like
1147.7s
Jenny regression is normal and she was
1150.3s
like you have to remember that the way
1152.6s
that you respond to uncertainty
1155.8s
basically that like window of Tolerance
1158.6s
shifting it's not static I always thought about it like a rubber band it's like I was always afraid like you stretch it you stretch it and then it snaps with too much uncertainty and she was like it's more like a muscle mhm in this period you're lifting and you're actually getting stronger and yeah maybe
1161.3s
thought about it like a rubber band it's
1163.5s
like I was always afraid like you
1165.0s
stretch it you stretch it and then it
1166.9s
snaps with too much uncertainty and she
1168.9s
was like it's more like a muscle mhm in
1171.9s
this period you're lifting and you're
1175.0s
actually getting stronger and yeah maybe
1177.1s
you might injure yourself one day AKA regression yeah yeah but you're more resilient than you think mhm I've been having like a lot of nightmares about getting laid off which is funny and sad at the same time I actually had the weird stream yesterday can I share it really quick and I want to hear
1180.3s
regression yeah yeah but you're more
1183.3s
resilient than you think mhm I've been
1186.5s
having like a lot of nightmares about
1188.4s
getting laid off which is funny and sad
1191.2s
at the same time I actually had the
1194.1s
weird stream yesterday can I share it
1196.4s
really quick and I want to hear
1199.2s
recing dream is literally was I went to the gym and I was completely like no underwear on like all my top was like clothed like I had a little hat on but like down there was nothing uhhuh but I had no idea I had no idea I had no underwear and I was just like walking in
1201.3s
the gym and I was completely like no
1204.8s
underwear on like all my top was like
1207.5s
clothed like I had a little hat on but
1209.8s
like down there was nothing uhhuh but I
1212.4s
had no idea I had no idea I had no
1215.2s
underwear and I was just like walking in
1217.2s
walking around doing your squats yes and it was only until like I had the bar and I was about to squat was when I realized I had no underwear on uhhuh I was like oh my God and then I had that dream again oh my God there's something going on I was like no undwear dream analysis
1219.9s
it was only until like I had the bar and
1222.3s
I was about to squat was when I realized
1224.9s
I had no underwear on uhhuh I was like
1226.8s
oh my God and then I had that dream
1228.4s
again oh my God there's something going
1230.2s
on I was like no undwear dream analysis
1233.7s
chat PT oh I should have asked chat PT and it was basically like feeling unprepared mhm which I can see I think I've just been feeling more anxiety about the passing of time it's like how long can I continue to operate in this uncertainty without any external validation I think sometimes we are fine
1237.2s
and it was basically like feeling
1238.9s
unprepared mhm which I can see I think
1243.2s
I've just been feeling more anxiety
1245.9s
about the passing of time it's like how
1248.8s
long can I continue to operate in this
1252.0s
uncertainty without any external
1254.1s
validation I think sometimes we are fine
1256.8s
on a day-to-day level but but then subconsciously I feel like a lot of stress comes out then cuz your guard is down when you're a therapist was talking about resilience that actually reminded me like I've been having this reoccurring dream and it only like happens every so often so basically by
1259.5s
subconsciously I feel like a lot of
1261.5s
stress comes out then cuz your guard is
1263.7s
down when you're a therapist was talking
1265.2s
about resilience that actually reminded
1267.0s
me like I've been having this
1268.3s
reoccurring dream and it only like
1271.0s
happens every so often so basically by
1273.0s
the time I forget about it I have it again and it's azes me all over but basically my dream I'm like getting laid off which I feel like to the average listener they're like okay you were really stressed about it like it's not that deep but I was telling my therapist like sometimes I feel like I'm waiting
1274.4s
again and it's azes me all over but
1277.1s
basically my dream I'm like getting laid
1279.3s
off which I feel like to the average
1281.1s
listener they're like okay you were
1282.4s
really stressed about it like it's not
1284.2s
that deep but I was telling my therapist
1287.4s
like sometimes I feel like I'm waiting
1289.7s
for the other shoe to drop because this period of uncertainty it hit me so suddenly and now I'm not in that same uncertainty right but every time I feel really stable now I have that dream because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and you know she was saying like you can always look over your shoulder
1292.4s
period of uncertainty it hit me so
1294.3s
suddenly and now I'm not in that same
1296.6s
uncertainty right but every time I feel
1298.7s
really stable now I have that dream
1300.7s
because I'm waiting for the other shoe
1302.0s
to drop and you know she was saying like
1304.3s
you can always look over your shoulder
1306.4s
for that thing that may or may not be coming for you but I think it's all about trusting yourself to know that you are resilient because you will be able to go through it but sometimes I think you focus on what's so out of your but it's not quite as scary as you make
1308.1s
coming for you but I think it's all
1310.0s
about trusting yourself to know that you
1312.4s
are resilient because you will be able
1314.2s
to go through it but sometimes I think
1316.5s
you focus on what's so out of your
1319.2s
but it's not quite as scary as you make
1322.4s
it out to be yes so I think it's safe to say like 29 for the both of us was like pretty tough and I think now I'm in the stage of seeing uncertainty from an enemy to a friend of me LOL I think it shows too like how we fight against uncertainty sometimes the
1324.3s
say like 29 for the both of us was like
1326.3s
pretty tough and I think now I'm in the
1328.4s
stage of seeing uncertainty from an
1330.7s
enemy to a friend of me
1333.1s
LOL I think it shows too like how we
1336.7s
fight against uncertainty sometimes the
1339.0s
quicker you can accept that it will always be there you're like how can we create a relationship that's more tolerable for the two of us yeah and it kind of reminds me of this podcast episode that I listened to recently by Mel Robbins and she's interviewing Martha Beck who's like an author life
1340.6s
always be there you're like how can we
1342.3s
create a relationship that's more
1343.7s
tolerable for the two of us yeah and it
1346.0s
kind of reminds me of this podcast
1348.1s
episode that I listened to recently by
1349.9s
Mel Robbins and she's interviewing
1351.6s
Martha Beck who's like an author life
1353.2s
coach lady and she basically uses a metaphor of a caterpillar to describe uncertainty and she's like okay imagine you're a caterpillar and your main goal in life is to be the biggest and fattest caterpillar but one day you decide like okay time to go into a cocoon what ends up happening inside that cocoon isn't
1355.5s
metaphor of a caterpillar to describe
1358.0s
uncertainty and she's like okay imagine
1360.4s
you're a caterpillar and your main goal
1363.3s
in life is to be the biggest and fattest
1365.8s
caterpillar but one day you decide like
1368.6s
okay time to go into a cocoon what ends
1371.0s
up happening inside that cocoon isn't
1373.1s
that you immediately started to morph into this beautiful butterfly what actually happens is that fully disintegrate into what is essentially bug soup and her whole point is to embrace the bug soup process and I think that is exactly how uncertainty feels like it's like that disintegration of past identities of like expectations of
1375.0s
into this beautiful butterfly what
1377.1s
actually happens is that fully
1379.0s
disintegrate into what is essentially
1381.0s
bug soup and her whole point is to
1383.6s
embrace the bug soup process and I think
1386.8s
that is exactly how uncertainty feels
1389.2s
like it's like that disintegration of
1391.4s
past identities of like expectations of
1394.2s
your sense of control or whatever the last day that I had at Google at the end of the 2 months I actually felt so free because the past 2 months I felt like I was trying so hard to hold on to what was in front of me and what I knew but
1397.0s
last day that I had at Google at the end
1399.2s
of the 2 months I actually felt so free
1402.6s
because the past 2 months I felt like I
1404.2s
was trying so hard to hold on to what
1406.8s
was in front of me and what I knew but
1408.6s
in order to even go to the next thing I had to let go and that's the silver lining of uncertainty it's so black and pitch dark that you can't predict the next thing sometimes the next thing is just so much more creative than we could have imagined when it actually happen
1410.8s
had to let go and that's the silver
1412.9s
lining of uncertainty it's so black and
1415.1s
pitch dark that you can't predict the
1417.2s
next thing sometimes the next thing is
1419.5s
just so much more creative than we could
1421.4s
have imagined when it actually happen
1423.7s
yeah and I think like time is also a factor too cuz the longer you're in it the more you just get used to it yeah this is my new normal you know I think a key mindset shift I made in the latter half of last year was instead of trying to fixate so much on resolving this
1426.2s
factor too cuz the longer you're in it
1428.6s
the more you just get used to it yeah
1430.8s
this is my new normal you know I think a
1432.8s
key mindset shift I made in the latter
1435.8s
half of last year was instead of trying
1439.0s
to fixate so much on resolving this
1441.9s
uncertainty which I realized like I was very bad at I could not do I can't control the uncontrollable to focusing my attention to becoming the kind of person that can weather this uncertainty and I think it kind of speaks directly to what you were saying where if you look inwards and see the
1444.0s
very bad at I could not do I can't
1445.8s
control the uncontrollable to focusing
1448.9s
my attention to becoming the kind of
1451.4s
person that can weather this
1455.2s
uncertainty and I think it kind of
1457.0s
speaks directly to what you were saying
1459.1s
where if you look inwards and see the
1462.4s
change in yourself that can actually be a source of motivation to give our listeners a piece to take away with I guess like for you Amy when you were in the thick of uncertainty knowing the things you know now what would you want to say to that Amy I actually think I
1464.9s
a source of motivation to give our
1466.6s
listeners a piece to take away with I
1468.9s
guess like for you Amy when you were in
1470.8s
the thick of uncertainty knowing the
1473.2s
things you know now what would you want
1475.4s
to say to that Amy I actually think I
1477.9s
would tell myself the exact same thing I told myself when I was actually in the thick of it which was I hope future Amy can be thankful for everything present Amy is going through right now to get to where I am in the future and the reason I would still tell myself that is I
1480.2s
told myself when I was actually in the
1481.4s
thick of it which was I hope future Amy
1484.5s
can be thankful for everything present
1486.5s
Amy is going through right now to get to
1488.9s
where I am in the future and the reason
1491.4s
I would still tell myself that is I
1493.8s
don't know what my future looks like and I can never know but there's something about today that I want to change and I'm doing that thing right and often times whenever you try something new whenever you try something different I'm always really bad at it in the beginning like I fall flat on my face I'm not used
1495.6s
I can never know but there's something
1497.8s
about today that I want to change and
1499.6s
I'm doing that thing right and often
1502.1s
times whenever you try something new
1504.3s
whenever you try something different I'm
1505.9s
always really bad at it in the beginning
1507.8s
like I fall flat on my face I'm not used
1509.9s
to it I thrive when I'm more adjusted but I don't feel like that should be the reason to not try something new because everybody when you try something new you're going to have a few lessons along the way that will be hard lessons to learn but you're striving and you're becoming so I would still tell myself
1512.1s
but I don't feel like that should be the
1514.2s
reason to not try something new because
1516.4s
everybody when you try something new
1518.1s
you're going to have a few lessons along
1519.8s
the way that will be hard lessons to
1521.8s
learn but you're striving and you're
1523.8s
becoming so I would still tell myself
1525.8s
the same thing then just keep doing what you're doing doing today because you're basically trying something new and that's something you should be proud of that is beautiful and such a good note to end on and the last cherry on top I would just add to that is I feel like in the thick of uncertainty it's so
1528.0s
you're doing doing today because you're
1529.7s
basically trying something new and
1532.2s
that's something you should be proud
1534.5s
of that is beautiful and such a good
1539.4s
note to end on and the last cherry on
1543.0s
top I would just add to that is I feel
1545.6s
like in the thick of uncertainty it's so
1549.1s
easy to compare yourself to where other people are at compare your uncertainty with other people's certainty but I think the only person that really matters is you right and you're basically saying like think about your future self and keep that person in mind and front and center and to weather the
1552.7s
people are at compare your uncertainty
1555.0s
with other people's certainty but I
1557.0s
think the only person that really
1558.9s
matters is you right and you're
1561.8s
basically saying like think about your
1563.6s
future self and keep that person in mind
1566.6s
and front and center and to weather the
1569.6s
now also I think Jenny to your point the now is what's real and so find something about the present that does make you happy too so all that to say just in case no one told you yet you're just human and next episode we'll be back to share more of our human moments with you
1572.3s
now is what's real and so find something
1574.6s
about the present that does make you
1576.5s
happy too so all that to say just in
1578.4s
case no one told you yet you're just
1580.6s
human and next episode we'll be back to
1583.9s
share more of our human moments with you
1585.9s
share more of our human moments with you bye
